Better Keep My Day Job

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
Mahatma Ghandi

When humor goes, there goes civilization
Erma Bombeck

No Negative Attitudes Allowed

A proton walks into a bar, hops up on a barstoon.
[Bartender] Say, you need to get out of here. We don't serve your kind.
[Proton] What do you mean you don't serve my kind?!
[Bartender] We don't serve electrons in THIS bar.
[Proton] I'm not an electron. I'm a proton.
[Bartender] Are you sure?
[Proton] Yep. I'm positive!

Love and Marriage

Love is blind.
Marriage restores all sight

Keep it Uniform

A Colonel runs into the General's office:
"Sir! We have an insurmountable problem!"
"Colonel, we don't have problems in this command. We have opportunities!"
The Colonel stands at attention, salutes, and says "Sir! We have an insurmountable opportunity!"

The South

Us Southerners are a proud lot, and we love where we are from. We also have a sense of humor about it.

A group of soldiers in the dayroom playing pool. A Second Lieutenant walks in and asks if anyone has change for a dollar.
A private says, "Sure, bud" and reaches in his pocket.
Lieutenant gets mad and says "Soldier, I am a commissioned officer and you will address me with the proper respect! Now, let's try this again. Anyone have change for a dollar?"
Private stands at attention and shouts "No, Sir!"

driving a nail under construction...

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© 2012 William R Cooke